Dear McKinnon

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Dear McKinnon

Post by Melanie McKinnon on Sun Nov 04, 2012 2:12 am

Dearest baby brother,

How is life treating you? How are you feeling? How's school going? Dandy? Perfect? Great?

Okay, honestly, I can't even try to start nicely.

Hey, Will.

So I got a little owl today. From Terra. And I think you and I need to talk, but seeing as we cannot talk because you're far away and I'm stuck with a few children, so I can't apparate over there and have a nice little chat with my darling little brother. Gosh, I'm really starting to sound like a mother. ANYWAY. So you ran out of Terra's class, I heard?

That was enough to make me a bit… well, mad, because you know me. And Terra's my friend. But then I read on to know why you did that.

Lucy. Fucking. Odair.

HONESTLY? The fuck are you doing? I just I don't understand what the hell is going on. You're what, dating Lucy now? I thought you hated Lucy. Do I have to remind you that Lucy is the person that gave condoms to Willow? You were so against her moving in! What changed? Are you guys in love now?

You're not allowed to cut classes to go make out with your girlfriend. Especially not classes that my FRIEND teaches!

Seriously, I feel like I'm scolding a five year old here. I haven't had to send Liz a letter yet. She's doing much better than you are!

I want a long explanation.

- Mel.
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Re: Dear McKinnon

Post by William McKinnon on Sun Nov 04, 2012 2:27 am

Dear Mel. (to be read in a "cross with Will voice", as you often adopt) as you signed your last loving letter,

Okay sorry that was mean, but then you were mean, and I think that's totally fucking unjust because you don't know my side of the story and I don't fancy telling you either because you'll just I don't even know you'll just be Mellish about it and no I haven't been drinking I just don't know how to write anymore since Terra set us a TEN THOUSAND WORD ESSAY in penance for our crimes so UGH.

Okay. One. Odair is not my girlfriend. Two. I do not, nor will not, love Odair. Three. I didn't run out of class to make out with Odair. I ran out of class to get away from her. I don't expect you to understand since you live life boringly

No I'm not dating Odair because I do really fucking hate her okay? I don't like her living with us. I wish she didn't exist sometimes because then life would be one hell of a lot easier If I told you why you'd have a hissy fit. But no. I hate her and I wish she just didn't have anything to do with me despite the fact she's a bloody good kisser I hate her I hate her I hate her hate hate hate

She I You I don't really want to talk about it so just send my love to Lowie and Oddie and Alexander and I'll see you soon and stuff and I'm not drunk.

Will

PS these are called kisses, you should try them -> xxxxxxxxxxxx not as good as Od
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Re: Dear McKinnon

Post by Melanie McKinnon on Sun Nov 04, 2012 2:38 am

Dear Will.

Reading your letter gave me a headache and I had to re-read it a couple of times (which was not pleasant by the way), also I may have told James I needed to borrow a baseball bat or something. But that was rude of me.

I will not be Mellish! Just tell me what happened. And I think you are a little drunk. I swear William Callum McKinnon, if you are drunk I will borrow James's baseball bat and I will floo over there and BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN.

Anyways, seriously. Just tell me what the hell happened. Why would you leave Terra's class? Terra's never anything but lovely to you and it's really disrespecting. Also, you're supposed to be setting an example for your siblings. Mostly Liz, because she's going to need it. If you can go ditch class to try to make babies in the bloody hallway (yes, I know it was the hallway) what is stopping Laura and Liz from doing exactly the same?

Okay, so you hate Lucy. You've made that rather clear. But that is not a good enough reason for running out and UGH. Breaking rules, Will, breaking rules. I wish a meaner teacher would've caught you. Professor Mohr or Wyatt or something.

Okay, that was a bit mean. BUT I'M FURIOUS AT YOU OKAY. And you don't have a say in it. We're talking about it. If you don't answer my owl in 24 hours I will come and visit you.

Lowie and Oddie and Alex all love you as well.

Cut back on the drinking.

- Mel

p.s. I would give you more than ten thousand words.
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Re: Dear McKinnon

Post by William McKinnon on Sun Nov 04, 2012 2:43 am

okay fuck I just woke up and I have an hour left don't visit me I'll send you some shit in a minute BYE
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Re: Dear McKinnon

Post by William McKinnon on Sun Nov 04, 2012 2:52 am

Dear Mel,

IknowI'msorrybutugh

That's not my reason for running out. Okay I guess it sort of is but I mean I was just like HULK SMASH angry and I wanted to get out of there and not have to look at her again becau and then what do I know, I'm kissing her. And it's like I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU, WHY ARE WE DOING THIS? That's it really bye bye.

Anyway I feel like crap now and I don't know if it's guilt or my not hangover that I'm not sporting or anything because I wasn't drunk because I don't drink so maybe I'll go apologise to her.

I'M SORRY BUT UGH

Will
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Re: Dear McKinnon

Post by Melanie McKinnon on Sun Nov 04, 2012 3:00 am

Dear Will,

Is this the first time that you've hate-kissed Lucy Odair then? I mean, I guess it's forgivable. When you're angry your emotions are running high and, well there's a thing called hate sex, let's not pretend we don't both know that.

I sense that you're not going to tell me WHY darling Lucille pissed you off so badly. Even if I think you should. So I'm dropping it (kind of) for now. Kind of.

Lay. Off. The. Drinking! You're at bloody school! Do you think I drank while I was at Go apologize to Terra, she deserves it.

Also, try to attend all lessons. Or I will get in touch with some of your teachers and do evil stuff, because I'm a nice sister like that.

By the way, seeing as Odair is NOT your girlfriend. Who IS your girlfriend? Common, little brother, you must have a girlfriend by now?

Love
Mel.
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Re: Dear McKinnon

Post by William McKinnon on Sun Nov 04, 2012 3:19 am

Dear Mel,

Yes.

Will

Yeah okay proper letter and all that don't visit me. Is that her name? I thought it was Odair. And no, you don't need to know.

And I don't think it's fair for you to lecture me about getting drunk since last time you did you got knocked up I don't drink ever what are you on about? ...I think I have a problem.

I didn't mean to upset her, I swear.

No. I don't have a girlfriend so don't go getting any ideas! Anyway, don't come over because it's Friday night and I'm going out. To church.

Will
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Re: Dear McKinnon

Post by Melanie McKinnon on Sun Nov 04, 2012 3:30 am

Dear Will,

All this 'don't visit me' is making me WANT to visit. Though, I guess I could really make a trip out of it. Get to catch up with Terra and some people. Keep an eye on you and Laura and Ollie and Liz. How are they, by the way? I swear to God, if you tell me they're making out with people in the hallways and drinking as well… I don't know what I will do.

I've become a bit more protective after I had Alexander, I think.

Hey! That should just teach you to not have sex! Do you think James and I were planning on making the baby? I can't actually remember whether or not our spells just failed or we just forgot to be safe. ANYWAY, why am I even discussing this with you.

Stop. Drinking. At least on school nights, I'll let you off because it's a Friday.

Have fun at "Church". I hope you find a girlfriend there. And that you don't knock people up.

Love,
Mel

p.s. imagine a pregnant Odair.

p.p.s. Are you afraid yet?
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Re: Dear McKinnon

Post by William McKinnon on Sun Nov 04, 2012 3:00 pm

Dear Mel,

Imagine your mum pregnant. No wait don't. If she's pregnant again I genuinely might cry. And no. Don't visit. Don't gang up on me with Terra. And for the love of Merlin don't follow us around. And to top it off, Odair is one hundred percent definitely not pregnant.

Yeah. I can see that. God I'm never having kids.

They're not making out with people in hallways! Could you imagine? Matthew would probably shit himself at the risk. Okay that was mean. He totally would though.

And I can't stop drinking. Not that I do, but hypothetically or something. It's like freaking impossible. But anyway, it doesn't matter.

I want to go home Mel. I'm bored of school. But I don't want Odair to be there. She's ALWAYS there. I hate it.

Will
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Re: Dear McKinnon

Post by Melanie McKinnon on Sun Nov 04, 2012 3:35 pm

Dear Will,

If our mother is pregnant I will hold you personally responsible for it. I swear, one more sibling and our household will explode. We did quite well with Willow though, didn't we? We're getting better at this oldersiblings/parents stuff.

I hope Odair is not pregnant. Especially not with your child. That would be horrifying.

Try to give it up? Try to drink less? Ugh. Don't be rude to Matthew. You should be more like Matthew (Don't song Ari, though).

I'm not sure if Laura would song people in hallways, and you might be right about Matthew. But Oliver and Liz?

You've got one year left, Will and then you'll come home and miss school.

Ask Odair to stay away from you? I'm getting worried here about how you talk about her like she follows you around. Are you sure I shouldn't come over there and talk to her or something?

- Mel
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Re: Dear McKinnon

Post by William McKinnon on Sun Nov 04, 2012 10:33 pm

Dear Mel,

That's a little bit unfair really seeing as it would actually be Dad's fault. And Mum's fault. Because it's their fucking fault that he can't keep it in his trousers and she always seems to be pining for sex. Ugh. Why couldn't we have normal parents?

Okay so Lozza has too much... I don't know, decency. Oliver is too cool. And Liz... well who knows what Liz does. I don't really want to know.

Well I don't think it would be so bad if she didn't freaking live with us. That's Mum and Dad's fault too. I hate them. I hate them and I hate her and I hate school and I hate everything and I'm going for a drink because I can goodbye.

Will

PS I love you and Willow and Oddie and Alex though. You're exempt from my hate.
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Re: Dear McKinnon

Post by Melanie McKinnon on Sun Nov 04, 2012 10:41 pm

Willy,

That's probably the most disgusting thing someone has ever written about our parents. And if I wasn't me, if this was Willow you were writing to (or God forbid Odette), there'd be puking. But seeing as I am not Willow nor Odette, I kind of cracked up laughing.

I think being a McKinnon and normal is a bit… impossible. Oliver is too cool for snogging in the hallways? Ha! What does that make you?

You could always kick her out. I'm sure they've redone her house by now. Honestly, how long does it take to build a house? I'm sure she has friends to crash with, anyway. Maybe I should send her an owl.

. Stop hating on everything.

IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS.

Love
Mel

p.s. We miss you!
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